I realized something about myself.
Maybe I’ve always known it and maybe I have pushed it aside but basically I am NOT a bubble-gum and rainbow kind of friend.
If there is truth to be told then I will – and I will try and be as gingerly and kindhearted as I possibly can – just say it.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an in-your-face confrontational sort of person.
If you begin talking about something and we are talking about something I will not be the friend that pats your arm and says, “Hang in there, girlfriend.” Or, “He loves you, it’s just his way of showing it.” Or, “Give it to the Lord and he will guide you.” Or, anything else remotely along those same lines.
If you have told me repeatedly that your husband is mean to you and puts you down and doesn’t respect you and worse, doesn’t respect you IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILDREN…And if he asked for a divorce that you didn’t want to give him and he buries his head and refuses to communicate and eats dinner in the bedroom by himself instead of with the family and takes vacations by himself because he doesn’t want anyone else around…
…Well, don’t be surprised if I am not his biggest fan.
And super duper don’t be surprised if I call you out on your doormat behavior.
Because I will.
And you will probably hate it.
And maybe me for a minute or two (or longer, whatever).
Because I will not sit like your church friends and tell you that the Lord has plans for you and your marriage and this is just a hurdle and keep praying and continue to be the best little wifey you can be because he will one day appreciate you.
Um, BULL. SHIT.
If you want that sort of bubble-gum, rainbow, the birds are chirping and the roads are paved with gold kind of talk, girlfriend, don’t come lookin’ for me.
Because I just cannot let that go.
If you are having a family crisis that you had hoped your husband would take control of and then in the eleventh hour he drops it all in your lap to “handle” and then you say, oh me gawd, you say, “well, it is just how DickFace* is, he had a rough childhood with no father figure -.”
Stop right the fuck there.
I DO NOT FUCKING CARE HOW AWFUL HIS CHILDHOOD WAS…THE MAN IS NOW 51 YEARS OLD.
Get. Over. It.
Talk to a therapist but for the love of god, GROW UP. And stop the awful cycle you have now successfully passed down to your children who have zero respect for you and have all turned out quite shitty. Congrats. Oh, and then you blame your wife who will take it all because that is what she does because you have told her time and time again that you were raised without a father, blah, blah, BLAH.
And I couldn’t hold back. I told her more or less that her husband needs to grow the hell up and she needs to stop being such a doormat who takes it all with a smile on her face and an offer of ice cold water in his favorite glass.
So far she is still talking to me but I did notice her change the subject when it got rather heated on my end. I want to shake her sometimes and say, WAKE UP! He is miserable and he wants to make everyone miserable and you allow him to walk all over you again and again and again. And he knows you will simply make the excuses for him necessary to wash his hands of whatever situation you all have found yourselves in and then spend the next five years blaming YOU solely and completely for the fall-out. Now, I realize too that these types of people CHOOSE to stay in these kinds of relationships (for a multitude of reasons, I know) and she obviously has chosen to live this way and in some regards accepts it.
I know she is all religious – and hey, to each his own – but nowhere does it say that a woman is supposed to be a DOORMAT to her husband. NOWHERE!
So, if you want those flying unicorns to tell you to keep praying that your asshole husband is going to come around, “I just know it”, then please don’t come looking for me because I cannot fill your head with ridiculous platitudes when the dick you are married to is trying to bring you down and everyone else with him into a pit of misery, hate, and meanness.
*Obviously not his real name