Out With You!

My friend recently gave her 18-year old son thirty days to move out after finding him smoking pot in his upstairs bedroom.

At the time she asked me if her and her husband did the right thing? I said that I always like to take a breather (or a day) and think about a consequence before doling it out. I remember a time when my boys were very little and my husband would issue a punishment for whatever it was they did wrong and said, “no TV all day tomorrow!”  As a stay-at-home mom I can say that THAT only happened ONCE.

But, in the case of my friend’s son the consequence was issued and now it had to be followed through or things would get even worse.

However, despite the fact that this kid has been on and off smoking pot since the eighth grade, despite being a key player on the high school baseball team, and has currently no plans to work or go to school I am still not on the side of kicking a kid out.

I mean, sure he is “technically” an adult.

But still.

Just a kid, really.

The boy has no car, hardly any money and yet – what? Adios. Good luck on the outside. Hope I don’t find you under a bridge somewhere.

I don’t know. I perhaps get kicking out a thirty-something kid who won’t get a job and sleeps all day and smokes pot in his bedroom. But, an 18-year old that has just barely graduated high school?

Maybe I’m just a softy. Or as my friend called me, “A bit liberal.”

Do I want my kids smoking pot in the house? No, of course I don’t. But would I just immediately kick out my kid? No, I don’t honestly believe in my heart I would…or could because it would be harder wondering what he is doing and where he is sleeping and what he is eating…and maybe what other trouble has he found himself in?

She asked me yesterday if I felt she made the right decision. Oh, hello slippery slope.

I told her that FOR ME I don’t think I could kick out my kid.

Her story is long and a bit more complicated with a husband who is demeaning and uncommunicative and brings nothing but stress and anxiety to the household – so there is much more there – which IS something I suggested to her that maybe, just maybe, this kid needs a release since he watches his father decompress after a stressful day with a can of beer.

And hey, I do the same with wine on occasion.

I can only hope that I would be able to COMMUNICATE with my kid in a situation like that. In her case she is completely non-confrontational and her husband is uncommunicative which I suggested could be causing the family a bit more problems than necessary.

I don’t have any magical words and I delicately danced around her question only being able to refer to my own situation and relationship with my own kids.

Meanwhile, I am supportive of her emotions and the stress that is building as the day draws near that the boy is being left to the wolves. Okay, maybe not wolves but what is an 18-year old who has no car and no job going to do just out there – meandering? 

What do you think? Would you kick your son out if you found him smoking pot in his room?


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